Tuesday, October 14, 2008

An Open Letter to the Shopper at the Grocery Store

Dear Shopper,

There are several hints you have given me to indicate that you live on the far west side of Bell Curve Town. You also appear to be somewhat intimidated by technology, so that factors into our conversation. I'm glad you thought to make it a trip to this side of town, but I have a little advice for you, which you may find to be useful, even if it is unsolicited.

Since you've demonstrated a narrow cognitive bandwidth, I'd suggest that perhaps multitasking is not your forte. Because of this, you may want to consider HANGING UP YOUR PHONE instead of switching from hand to hand as you SLOWLY scan each item in the SELF SERVE checkout. The long line of people waiting for you to finish will appreciate it.

I will admit that the user interface isn't 100% intuitive, so I'm willing to cut you some slack when you get confused by the "Please wait for cashier" message on the credit card slider. See, the tricky part is that in a self serve lane, the cashier is you! Even if you did have a question about that, which is perfectly understandable, you might want to indicate through some kind of verbal or somatic cue that the high school age lad at the podium should come over and help you. Simply giving an oblivious teenager the oblique stink eye and muttering on your phone that you aren't happy with the service doesn't really help you much, nor does it move the line any faster.

So, my dear lady, in short, HANG UP THE PHONE AND KEEP MOVING. I am

Yours truly,


Anonymous said...

I really loathe the self-checkout lanes. They ALWAYS seem to be broken, or you always need to summon the one person they have on standby for issues.

I pretty much only use them when I need ONLY one thing.

Anonymous said...
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GDad said...


Poe's Law... ACTIVATE!

GirlyWarrior said...

People like this drive me nuckin' futs.

Bill said...

This is why we have a right to bear arms.