Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Perfect Comic Timing

At one of the Thanksgiving meals we attended over the long weekend, I was near the grazing table with Brother 1, talking about miscellanea. We were playing a game called "What Will the Dog Eat?" which involves taking small bits of all kinds of food and seeing if the dog will eat it. This dog is the kind of dog that will lick a spot on the floor where food used to be for at least 30 seconds after the food is gone.

One of the dishes was water chestnuts wrapped in bacon and cooked in some sort of magical way until they are bacolicious. Brother 1 dipped a fork into the greasy liquid and let the dog lick the fork. Then he dipped the fork in again to feed the dog more.

I scolded him. "Did you just put dog germs in there?"

He replied that I should just shut up, because a) the things were cold, b) there were only a few left, and c) he had put the fork in the side of the dish where there were no pieces left, and germs don't migrate that quickly. "Just don't tell anyone," he said.

Just as he finished the word "anyone," a relative-twice-removed walked up to the table and asked, "Don't tell anyone what?"

"Oh, nothing."

Relative-twice-removed asked, "What are these?" and popped one of the bacon-wrapped water chestnuts into his mouth before either Brother 1 or I could say anything. I looked out the window and refused to make eye contact with my brother so we wouldn't laugh too hard.

After a few seconds, I told this story about Aunt Wild's dogfood-eating party guest. Relative-twice-removed and Brother 1 both laughed loudly, but I suspect for different reasons. I think I need to do some kind of penance, but I'm not sure what.


Jen said...

Double dog dipping? I should be mortified by this story but dog germs are a way of life in my house. This thanksgiving the dog ate the middle out of the dish of Gruyere and crab dip that I made. It was on the coffee table and everyone had walked away from the table for a split second. The dog made good work out of the dip eating the whole center out of it. Before anyone could see I scraped out the part that had obviously been licked by the dog and put it back on the coffee table before anyone else had noticed. Ex husband #2 grabbed a piece of french bread and scooped up a big gob of the dip. I just went into the kitchen and poured a glass of wine and snorted into a dishrag.

GDad said...

Excellent. I have to wonder how often I've been on the other end of that situation.

Bobby said...

Hmmm. We have two Labrador Retrievers. Our game is called "What the hell WON'T the dogs eat?" At our house, your game would go on for weeks.

gay CME guy said...

I'm laughing so hard, I'm crying. And, it's not the fever. This is SO funny! Kinda puts that whole Seinfeld episode of George 'double dipping the chip' into perspective.

GDad said...

Yeah, this would be the double-dog-dipping, like the triple-dog-dare from A Christmas Story.