Thursday, September 30, 2010

Farmer Joe Bob

Yesterday, Bill suggested that the Lastname family put an apiary out back so we could cash in on the fantastic world of beeswax and honey. I replied that I would respond in today's post.

The other day, Neighbor Rusty approached me and told me that since his kids would be moving to Small Town from sunny Chicago soon, and since our property taxes have gone up significantly recently, he wanted to get his land rezoned to agricultural rather than residential. He figured that he would need to have me come along on this Magical Mystery Tour with him in order to get enough land to qualify for agricultural zoning. This is a picture of the land in question.

The red area is a rectangle that encompasses the back half-ish of both of our properties. The longer sides of the rectangle are about 460 feet, and the shorter sides are about 250 feet. All told, this would require about 1420 feet of fence to enclose about 115,000 square feet, or approximately 2.64 acres. Why would you need to enclose 2.64 acres, you ask?

To raise alpacas, of course.

Alpacas, according to alpaca-promoting web sites, are sort of like nature's accountants. They're docile, undemanding, quiet, clean, orderly, true-hearted, good-looking order-takers who ensure a positive cash flow. They never pose any problems, and they're fully insurable. I think they may also imbue their owners with eternal youth, the ability to emit strawberry jam from their "areas," and an almost overwhelming force of personality that ensures love at first sight, on demand. At least, Rusty seems to think so.

I think I like a combination of Bill's idea and Rusty's idea. I'd like to crossbreed alpacas and bees. Behold the beepaca!


Bill said...

Once again, you have outfoxed me with a superior idea.
A cousin (of mine; I don't know what your cousins are spending their money on) invested in exotic animals, including llamas, which are hateful & spiteful creatures. On a recent blog post, I mentioned attending the Field Day of the Past, and there I saw alpcacas. They seemed just as you describe them; not at all like llamas in temperment.
I say give your plan full steam.

Bill said...

Ever since I read this post, I have been trying to figure out who those alpacas at the Field Day of the Past reminded my of, and it's Phil Spector (in the fright wig). I didn't get any alpaca pictures, but there's a pig, an old car, and a sorghum press you can look at, but none of them look like Phil Spector.