Wednesday, August 17, 2011


The good news:
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a Communist.

No, wait, strike that.

I do not now have, nor ever have had, heart disease.

There. That's better.

The slightly less good news:
When you complain of chest pain when are 40, still overweight, and have a history of heart attacks and heart disease on both sides of the family, and you have diabetes and hypertension, "they" don't like to let you go without taking blood from you several times and making you recite the health history as many times as you have fingers. Plus, you have to run on a treadmill after "they" painfully rip out areas of hair on your chest with clippers that were sharp when Clinton was President, then "they" inject you with a substance described by the manufacturer as "lipid-coated microspheres filled with octafluoropropane gas", then "they" make you run on a treadmill until you hate them. Once all that is over, "they" tell you that you're fine and that you should go home.

"But what was the chest pain?" you ask.

"Heck if we know," "they" say, then "they" tell you to talk to your family doctor.

Then you go home and sleep, secure in the knowledge that your ejection fraction is 65%, which is evidently good, and there is no immediate danger of collapsing on the floor, clutching your chest and shouting "I'm comin' to join ya, honey!"

As soon as the IV spot on my hand stops hurting, I'll be just fine.


Michael said...

Glad you're okay!

GDad said...


Dave said...

I had a chest pain a while back. Over 40 but not a single risk factor beyond a chest pain. $10,000+ and an overnight stay later, I was off, must've been a muscle thingy.

[word is chinsebo]