Intracensor

The other day, at Corporate Choir rehearsal, I was listening to our director give us, well, direction, and I heard a hissing noise coming from the vent.

GDad: Is that [Pauses and does some calculations about the amount of funny in this statement.  There are about 30 people in the room.  Three of them might get the reference.  Of those three, one might think it's morbidly funny, and two will be offended enough to express their displeasure.  The rest of the statement is subvocalized instead of vocalized.] Zyklon-B?

Levio-SAAAA

I met someone yesterday whose last name is Wingard.

End of February - No, Wait!

It's a leap year!  Thanks, Julius Caesar!

How Old Am I

My hip is sore AND I have a zit on my face.  Grrr...

You Fail Botany!

Dear Set Designers for the Recent Episode of Merlin (Lamia),

The interior of your ancient abandoned castle set looked abandoned enough without having to grow green leafy vines in the dark passages and dungeons.  I know it was night time, but there were no windows, and there was a roof.  If at some point, your story mentions magical vines that grow in the dark, I will withdraw my criticism.

Otherwise, keep up the visually appealing, if mostly anachronistic, work.

Sincerely,
GDad Lastname

Help

I call for standardization of the spelling of the name Vicky/Vicki/Vickie/Vikki/Viki/Viccy/etc.

Worst Statement of the Day

I could totally get behind a Santorum-Brownback ticket.
[rim shot]

Zoomin

There is a commercial property at the end of my road that used to be the outlet for large trucks and RVs for one of the local automobile dealer royal families.  When things kind of went into the doldrums in the 2000s, the place shut down, and the inventory went over to the main campus about five miles away.  The property sat vacant for a while, but this week, a local motorcycle guy who had repaired bikes in his garage has gotten into the business world in a bigger way.

We just sent our bikes down for some maintenance, and made some new friends.  I wish him the best.

Dream Log - Wednesday

Gas prices shot up, over the course of an hour, to $7.50/gallon.  For some reason, I was stuck somewhere on the border of Maryland and Virginia, but not in Washington.  Night was falling, and the goofy townsfolk were going about their normal shenanigans.  There was one fellow who had a normal sized trunk and arms, but legs only about four inches long.  He was trying to dance an Irish jig.  He had on a green suit and hat, but he wasn't really a leprechaun.

Dream Log - Tuesday

A serial killer was posting riddles in public places.  If they were solved, the person would spare the victim.  If not, the victim was, indeed, a victim.  This was essentially a rehash of the third episode of the British teevee show Sherlock.

Dream Log - Monday

I was attempting to join the Mafia of the Immortals.  They weren't vampires, but rather immortals similar to the type found in the old Highlander teevee show.  My pledge class consisted of me, my plucky sidekick, and a bunch of goons from the real gangs of our fair city.

None of us ended up qualifying.

Eddie Haskell

Son:  Dad, why don't you like Chris?

GDad:  Because he's a smarmy jack@$$ whom I wouldn't trust as far as I could spit him out.

Son:  Oh.

Dromio

Son's school performed The Comedy of Errors this evening, interspersed with music and dinner.  Mandy and Mr. Mandy came along, as did Eggbert Terwilliger and Marcot Ravenswatch.  All of them told me that they were impressed well beyond what they thought would be the case.

Morning

In this morning, dark and dreary, while I lie there, weak and weary,
Languid clockface creeping onward to the hour of my rise,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
'WTF,' I softly muttered, 'is tapping at my chamber door?
I really want to sleep some more!"

It ended up being nothing.  Nothing at my chamber door.

Delta, in the Mathematical Sense

After a presentation at a departmental meeting today, I decided that they are not simply asking us to "embrace change."  Instead, they're asking us to give change a big bear hug and a sloppy wet kiss.

Star Voyaging

Evidently, my reputation has spread.  I've been asked to act as a Creative Consultant (i.e. nerdy joke writer) for a corporate video that describes some new strategy in the framework of a parody Star Trek episode.  My charter is to come up with semi-cheesy Star Trek and time-travel jokes.  I also will play a background character in a crowd scene.  Remember, there are no small actors, especially among sedentary people with desk jobs.

Happy Valentine's Day

Hearts.

Slept In

Still getting through the cold.

Hooray for Rhinovirus

I have a cold with one of those dry, hacking coughs.  And there's a lot of snow!

Nineteen

GPop and I are celebrating nineteen years together this weekend.  Happy Anniversary!

Foto Phriday - The Texans

When we went to London last year, when we went on the London Eye, we met some fellows from Texas who knew someone we know from our town.  Cue, "It's a Small World, After All."

Lost Girl

Trying to enjoy Lost Girl and failing.

College Days

I am on my way to a recruiting event for Mega Corporation One at a school in the borderlands of Midwest State.  Thank goodness I have mp3s of Car Talk.  The autocorrect wanted to say "Thank Google."

Cup of Stupid

Someone put a stack of cups into the cup dispenser without taking the plastic sleeve off the cups.  I sometimes wonder how people get dressed in the morning.

But Why?

The other clocks in the school were correct.  In the digital world, a broken clock is NOT right twice a day.

Motivational Poster Thing

Meat shown in a medical context.  Don't click if you'll get the vapors.  Otherwise, click to embiggen.

In the Halls of Education

As I was walking down the halls of a nearby high school, waiting for Son's band contest to start, a girl ahead of me said rather loudly, "I have a question.  Why does it smell like bacon?"

The adult with her replied, deadpan, "Because there's bacon."

I almost replied, "Oh, sorry, that's me."  But I thought perhaps I shouldn't.

Apropos of Nothing...

I love the word "pandemonium."

Again?

Happy Groundhog Day!

Movie Sign!

This asteroid, Eros, is approaching the Earth.  Somebody alert Tom Servo.