Friday, October 18, 2013

End of Days

Chick Publications (I'm not linking to it.) has apps for iPhone and Android devices.  Wow.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Misheard

The radio traffic report guy has been saying that this report is brought to us by "Tim Horton's Coffee and Bake Shop."  I keep hearing "Tim Horton's Coffee and Bait Shop."


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Back to Work Tomorrow

I'll be heading back to work tomorrow after a while off for medical leave.  Here's to a smooth transition.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Question of the Day

Would a harpy be considered poultry or red meat?

Same question for a griffin/gryphon/griffon.


Thursday, September 19, 2013

Helpful Medical Thingy

I found this template to be useful when seeing new medical providers. If you have a number of prescription meds, or you use over-the-counter medications on a regular basis, this can help doctors get a lot of information right away.

Click to download the template.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

What Have I Been Doing

Well, in the future, I will certainly be an advocate for mental health. I should be returning to work in a couple of weeks from tomorrow. I promise that I'm OK for now.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

New Food Idea

A powdered food additive made of gluten and monosodium glutamate. Mmmmm...

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Living with mom

I've been living with my mother for a bit.  Not much I can say, but we're all physically OK.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #7

Attempt to draw a face with my eyes closed.  This is a tribute to this man on the Youtube.



Click to embiggen.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #6

This is also fan art.  Please don't sue.  I think parody is covered.



Click to embiggen.  Ha!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #5

Yoda is the property of the Disney corporation.  Please don't sue.  This is fan art.



Click to embiggen, although size matters not.


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #4

Bottom Hat



Click to embiggen.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #3

Top Hat



Click to embiggen.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Roku

So I bought my mom a Roku and set her up on Netflix.  Now she's watching Breaking Bad.  I hope this isn't giving her ideas.

Doodles from the Psych Ward #2

Wise mind.

This is a concept they were teaching us about the pull of the rational mind and the pull of the emotional mind acting against our best interests by trying to get us to act in the past and the future, whereas the wise mind pulls the best from both and lets us be in the present.



Click to embiggen.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Doodles from the Psych Ward #1

Love Bug


Click, as usual, to embiggen.

I Am not Making this Up

I saw this Kroger employee arranging the Duck Dynasty DVD display.


Thursday, August 15, 2013

Art Therapy in the Psych Ward

What do you get when you cross an elephant with an rhinoceros?

Elephino.


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Plant sex

Oo la la

Think of the children...

Why did these parents put their disabled child on top of a pole?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Living with Mom

Because of some issues, I've been living with Mom.  It's really kind of fun.  I am helping her with chores, and she really appreciates the company.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Therapy

From a therapy session in my psych ward...


Therapist:  In recreational group today, we're doing origami.

GDad:  Origami?  I hardly even know her!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Spider

This is a spider on the rental car mirror.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

But...

I am feeling much better now.

Update

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see

Thursday, August 1, 2013

How was your day?

On my way to the psychiatric hospital to treat my anxiety, I was in a car crash.  Then my shoelace broke.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Sign Again

Why is this sign necessary in a building of adult professionals?

Monday, July 1, 2013

Happy Canada Day

Way up in the frozen tundra north!


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Rapid Intracranial Ambulation

So the thought that just ran through my head is, "As long as I look good when HLN broadcasts my trial..."

Coffee Chaos

The Coffee Hen arrives on the later end of the Acceptable Window for Flexible Corporate Schedules.  I arrive very early in the morning, so I usually have a pot of coffee ready to be poured by 6:45, and my last cup around 8:00.  The coffee maker has a timer or something that shuts it off after so much time so that it doesn't burn out or burn the coffee or something.  Generally, this means that my last cup is within the "on" part of the cycle, and Coffee Hen's first cup is in the "off" part of the cycle.

She instructed me today that I needed to shut off and turn back on the coffee maker before she gets in so that her cup of coffee is hot.  Keep in mind that I have purchased the last four cans of coffee and the last two boxes of filters, and that I make the first pot of coffee almost every morning and clean out the pot, because the afternoon drinkers do not.

Arrgghh!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Errata

In this post, I erroneously said that Representative Louie Gohmert was from Oklahoma.  Sorry to Oklahomans home and abroad.  He is from Texas.

Spooky

Son had his graduation party with best friend Daniel on Saturday.  Daniel's 11-year-old sister approached me.

Sister:  I know what the theme will be for MY graduation party.

GDad:  Really?  What will it be?

Sister:  Zebras.  Zebras that sparkle.

GDad:  How about unicorns?

Sister:  Ugh.  I HATE unicorns.

GDad:  Well, you could take a unicorn, saw off its horn, and paint black stripes on it.

Sister:  [eyes wide open, and in a very creepy voice]  YEESSSSSSS.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

But Six Rings...

And I rise
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes
The shaving razor's cold and it stings

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Customer Service

"I'm sorry.  I can't help you.  I've taken a vow of 'shut the hell up.'"

Monday, June 10, 2013

Bilbo Got it Right

“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Still

She is STILL TALKING!

ALL CAPS

I am in a waiting room, and there is a woman on the other side of the room who is having a cell phone conversation with someone who can probably hear her without the phone.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Greek to Them

I was at a Subway restaurant the other day.  One of the sandwich artists was making my sandwich up until the cheese part.  She gave it to the next artist, who put it in the oven at my request.   The oven dinged, and Artist 2 put the sandwich back on the preparation tray.

"The sandwich isn't toasted," said I.

Artist 2 stared at the creation, pondering this seeming ontological impossibility.

"You need to press and hold the button," said Artist 1.  "Sheesh, I tell people this all the time, and they never believe me."

"We should just call you Cassandra," I quipped.

"Why?  Do you know her?" she asked, pointing at Artist 2, whose nametag read "Cassie."

"Oh never mind. Before you were born."

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Last Night's Episode

Previously on GDad's Dreamscape...

We took a trip to Europe.  At some point, Son and I made it to Germany, but GPop had decided to visit someplace else.  I was driving on a German road (nicht die Autobahn), and for some reason, the brakes on the car didn't work.  I slammed into the rear of the car in front of me at a light, and then more cars slammed into my back.  Fortunately, nobody was injured, and all of the cars were nominally driveable, so everyone sort of meandered off without any fuss, which made the police (die Polizei) investigation very difficult.

Then we went to a scale model of Mad King Ludwig's famous Neuschwanstein Castle, which had been done up in pink stone with attached animatronic birds.  Some American tourists were taking posed pictures in little alcoves throughout the gardens.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Single Rainbow

I saw a rainbow "'cross the sky" today on my drive to work.  It was a complete one.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Advice of the Day

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Too Many Political Blogs

I read too many political blogs.

Why do I say that, you ask?

Because when I got a Playbill from a show we saw yesterday, I was reading through the Who's Who, and there was a mention of one of the actor's roles in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  I was skimming, and only saw the last two words on a line by themselves.  I read them as Technicolor Democrat.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Vegetable Insult

"The attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus!"
    --Rep. Louie Gohmert (R - Texas)


Representative Gohmert does not appear to be the brightest bulb in the chandelier.


Thursday, May 16, 2013

Why are the postings so light?

The story I've been living is not really my story to tell.  I appreciate those of you who have stuck around and read those things that I've been able to say.

Hope to be back some day with better material.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Fifty States

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

and Washington, D.C.

Friday, May 10, 2013

More Pauses Between Words

In regard to Michael Jackson...

Pop Icon
Popeye Gun


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Last Night's Dream

I woke myself up laughing at my dream.

In the dream, GPop and I were sitting on the grass in a park, and an old acquaintance, David, walked up and joined us.  He had a big rash on his face, and he looked distressed.  He asked us, "Do I have a fever?"

GPop reached his fingers over and put two of them almost in David's nostrils, then said, "I think you have Bieber fever."

I looked at David and said, "I think you have the fever for the flavor of a Pringles!"  I noticed a snack bar next to me and grabbed the nearest Pringles can.  I squeezed it while pointing it toward David.  The lid popped off the can, and David's head disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the neck of his shirt open.

I thought this was so funny that I woke myself up laughing.

Monday, April 29, 2013

In the Year

This is post 2525.  Just thought I'd let you know.

Why Pauses Between Words Are Important

Fetus Closure

Fee Disclosure


Online Ordering

Something's wrong with this menu item...



Click to embiggen.

Friday, April 26, 2013

The Soulless

I was in a meeting discussing issues that would probably make normal people die of boredom.  A director of strategic planning was talking about an upcoming project and said that we were going to try to roll out a pilot program for this project so that we could assess the feasibility of the solution, but she didn't like the word "pilot."

With a completely deadpan affect, I suggested "limited scope production implementation."  She liked that.  I died a little on the inside.

Perhaps I should consider using my powers for good.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Horrifying

From this web site...*

"People don't read."

I weep for the future.


====
*This is in no way an endorsement of that web site.

Monday, April 22, 2013

PotD

A hypnotized Cyclops with an underbite.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Joe the Dumber

Remember that flash-in-the-pan political nonentity, Joe the Plumber?  He is known in real life as Samuel Wurzelbacher.  In any case, his name is attached to some TEA Party web site where a bunch of angry and reactionary  people post screeds about how kids should turn down their music and how darker people should stay off the streets so us nice pale folks don't have to think about them.  Someone put my name on a list to receive his daily digest e-mail.

Great.  Thanks.

Yesterday, Joe the Plumber's digest had the usual effluvia, but I clicked on one or two of the links, because this helps me predict what nonsense I will hear from the usual suspects at upcoming family gatherings.  The content of the article is not really important, either for the purposes of my observation or in general, but the thing that amused me was that Joe the Plumber misspelled his own name in his sign-off.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Boston

The people in Boston are in my thoughts.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Grammar Problems

Verb tenses are problematic for time travelers.  Were problematic?  Will be problematic?  Will have been problematic?

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Uphill

Today seems like one of those days where everything I do is uphill from where I am, and I am wearing roller skates.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Music Directors

My experience with music directors is that they have a predilection for bad puns.

GDad: ...and if anyone needs a ride up to the recording session, I'll be leaving from Downtown between 8:00 and 8:15.  Just meet me at the walkway.

Director:  The covered walkway?  The car pool tunnel?

Monday, April 8, 2013

Funny Corporate Event

We have informative lunch presentations once in a while.  They're called "brown bags," in that you are supposed to bring your own lunch.  This week's brown bag is being sponsored by the corporate health group, and it's about the importance of colonoscopies as part of an overall health picture.

A colonoscopy brown bag.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

QotD

"It must be a treacherous and uncertain world inside the head of a Republican congressman, unsteady on the brink of countless slippery slopes."
    --Monoceros Forth

Back from Vacation

We were in sunny Florida.  More on that to follow.

Last night, however, I had a long dream involving getting completely lost in a multipart parking garage that had gates, blockades, and those spikes that keep people from going out the wrong way.  I ended up having to video my search to the exit with my phone held over my shoulder so I could see whence I came rather than where I was going on my way out.  I like that I was thinking about that even in my dream.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Project Idea

I would love to see a project where we could get Morgan Freeman (or perhaps Leonard Nimoy) to read messages from my spam folder aloud with light harp music in the background.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Windy

The wind is blowing so hard the trees look like whomping willows

Thursday, March 14, 2013

More Dreaming

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was being pursued through the campus of Mega Corporation One by a malevolent cyborg.  It had extensible arms and legs, but because it was part organism, every time it used its extending powers, it started to leak blood from the mechanics.  I don't know if it was supposed to harm me or just harass me.

Later I dreamed that my car was severely damaged while in a parking garage, and my insurance refused to pay for damages.

Last night, I dreamed that I was somehow trapped on the balcony in the Vatican where the pope would be introduced.  I tried to get away, but the exits were all blocked.  The cardinals were leading the new papal cocoon up to the balcony so the new pope could emerge.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

God of War

I just saw this article, and it struck me again.  We've sent ROBOTS to FREAKIN' MARS!

We are indeed living in the future.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Corporate Meetings

Sometimes, in call-in meetings, people will announce that they will have to drop off at a particular time, because of a conflict.  I wish I could say, "I may have to drop off this meeting... if I get bored."

Monday, March 11, 2013

Names

I was just on the phone setting up a concert for our Corporate Choir, and the activities director at the retirement home in question wondered if I knew her cousin who works at Mega Corporation One.  I asked what this cousin's name was, and had to stifle any audible reaction when she said that her married name was (I'm guessing at the spelling) "Hymenbush."

I wonder if her other cousins are Connie and Anna Lingas.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Ah, Spring

When a young man's fancy turns to love.

And when a middle-aged man's fancy turns to cleaning out the house and the mess that the young man leaves in his wake.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Using MS Office for Evil

I was taking minutes in a meeting, and I have a habit of including a Fun Fact when I take the minutes.  Today's fun fact was expressing Capital City's annual rainfall in miles per hour.

It is 0.000000069401.


I used Excel.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Paleontology and Religion


Click to embiggen.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Ants

I have always been fascinated by ants.  This one is pretty cool.  I would prefer if they stay out of my house, though.

Lousy Smarch Weather

That is all.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dream

I had a dream that the corporate powers re-carpeted our floor while I was at lunch.  In the same effort, they added a special bathroom just for managers, and then took the sides and top off the elevators, leaving us with just a dark open platform that didn't quite meet real-life OSHA standards.

When I tried to find someone to raise concerns about this, I was soundly rebuffed.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Mischief

Our team has decided that we'll confuse our boss by coming up with folksy sayings that are utter nonsense so that Boss will get confused when trying to figure them out.

"That's like putting masking tape on a horse blanket."

"That's about as useful as butter in a tornado."

"You might as well try to teach opera to an octopus."

A coworker just got a 1978 moped (mo-ped, not past tense of mope) working.  He and I decided that we will start saying, "About as useful as a flux capacitor on a moped."

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Cricket Is Safe!

Click to embiggen.

Friday, March 1, 2013

GPop - Yesterday

Via text:

GPop:  What do you get someone who's just lost a Pope?  Hallmark should have a card for that.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

College Man

Son's recent acceptance to college made me think of this post.  I'm so very proud of him.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Today's View from the 25th Floor

Click to embiggen.

Possible Mustache

This is an awesome description from this article.

"The man, described as white, in his mid to late 40s or early 50s, 5 feet 8 to 5 feet 9 inches tall with brown hair and a possible mustache..."

Schroedinger's Mustache.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

QotD

In response to a new app that claims to keep sending tweets from your Twitter account after you die:

“Death is the ultimate lack of accountability.”
  -- Pamela Rutledge, director of the Media Psychology Research Center in Massachusetts.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

-corn, -vac, -tard, -cycle...

Son received his acceptance letter from the large state university to which he applied.  He is very excited about this new development.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

From the Ridiculous to the...

Click to embiggen, if necessary.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Kinda

What's a metaphor?  It's like a simile.

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Bottom Half

There's a saying: "Never read the bottom half of the internet."  It means that when you read content, avoid the comments, if you want to maintain your sanity and avoid blood pressure medication.

It is interesting to me how in this very divisive political climate, the people who want to criticize our elected officials can drop an anti-[Barack Obama|Hillary Clinton|Joe Biden|etc.] comment into pretty much any thread on any topic.  I was just reading a news story about how Tiffany & Co. is suing Costco, alleging that there are counterfeit Tiffany engagement rings for sale at the discount warehouse chain.  A commenter in the thread below the story wrote, "Fake Tiffany diamonds at Costco and a fake President in the White House? What is this world coming to!"  Ignoring the erroneous punctuation for a moment, how on Earth does this non sequitir have anything to do with the topic at hand?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Idea for a Sign



Click to embiggen.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Overheard at the Office

"Today is Fat Tuesday.   Mission accomplished. "

Somewhere, on the US-Canadian Border...

Conrad and Millie are in love.


Click to embiggen.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Update on More Dreams

I had dinner with friends last night, and Real!Marcot forgave me for Dream!GDad's behavior in my dream from the other night, so that will suffice.

Happy Anniversary - XX

GPop and I are celebrating our twentieth anniversary this weekend.

My 70 Year Old 17 Year Old Son

The other day, Son and I were talking about whether we should bother watching the alternate ending on a movie we had recently watched on DVD.  He said, "We could always look it up on the YouTube."

I responded, "Did you just say, 'THE YOUTUBE?'"

He blushed and accused me of making him old.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

More Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was in a very large fight with my good friend, Marcot Ravenswatch.  Marcot and I were not behaving in a stellar fashion, tempers got heated, and then it turned into a yelling match.  I have no idea where this came from, but I hope that Dream!Marcot will forgive Dream!GDad for being a dill-hole.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Monday, February 4, 2013

Dream Last Night

Last night, I dreamed that I was in a maternity ward, and I passed by a couple who had named their baby "Samuelus."

Friday, February 1, 2013

New Fictional Creature

The Mermotaur - merman on top and Minotaur on the bottom.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Why Is This?



I noticed this at work.  Click to embiggen.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Observation

I am a time traveler from the present.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

To Parents...

Here's to each and every parent who's resisted wanting to strangle their child or children.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

QotD

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

As a Color, Shade of Purple-Grey

I have been rereading Isaac Asimov's Robot, Empire, and Foundation books.  It's probably been over twenty-five years since I last read them.  I'm watching to see if Asimov is

  • A progressive feminist,
  • A raging misogynist,
  • A product of his time, or
  • Some other thing.
It's kind of hard for me to tell this early into the reading, but I do see a difference between the works written in the nineteen fifties and the ones written in the nineteen eighties.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Time Travel

How do I know that time travel is not available to me during my lifetime?  I would have come back and talked to myself, and I don't remember that happening.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Singing in the Rain

Our Corporate Choir spring season just started, and we've "Singing in the Rain" in the repertoire.  One of the  women in the choir told her husband that he had better behave and not start dancing.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy birthday, dear mother!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Zing

I expected Son and Daniel to be at home 20 minutes ago.  Daniel's home seems to be a wireless dead zone for Sprint.  Son was unresponsive, but finally Daniel responded via text.

Daniel: Sorry it took so long.  My mom made me take a shower.

GDad:  Your mom is my hero.